Hell, we’ve snagged ourselves a new dusty spot, 7B in the wild heart of BRC, a magic number if there ever was one. Nestled right in the thick of Burning Man, we’re exposed to the wild, the weird, the downright bizarre.

Buckets of Burners and a ceaseless stream of humanity, like ants crawling over a sugar pile. Just remember: don’t leave anything of value in your tent or lock it, unless you’ve got a fondness for tears and regret. But hey, the silver lining to this madness is you might end up hitched, or saddled with 369 new friends or just married.

Dude it’s like hitting the jackpot in a game of Burning Man bingo.

Having a spot this close to the playa, it’s like a beacon or finding your way home after munching on a tiny salad of peculiar mushrooms. Usually, that’d take you three days. Here, you can kick back in our camp, watch the freak show unfold on the playa, and call it a Tuesday.

Alright, listen here, and let me spit this out. Regarding this little circus of life, don’t you dare forget the condoms and those damn tennis balls. Those neon orbs, we skewer them on the peaks of our canvas castle, staking our claim in the uncharted darkness. It’s a beacon for the stumbling drunks, saving their sorry asses from an undignified plunge into the indifferent soil.

Now, as for those rubbers – it’s a different game, but the same play, my friend. Slip them on the other rod, a laughable talisman against nature’s cruelest joke. A barrier between pleasure and consequence, dancing with temptation while clutching onto the thin latex promise of tomorrow.

So here’s your damn safety protocol – tennis balls on one stick, condoms on the other. Nearby, you’ve got the bajamajor, ice and the field hospital, all within stumbling distance. Perfect for those late-night dances with your cactus.

But remember, and I can’t stress this enough, you’ll want to bring earplugs. We’re front row seats to the symphony of noise, and the music from mutant vehicles never stops. It’s a relentless, thumping soundtrack to our insanity, rolling 24/7, full blast, for seven straight days.

So, welcome to the carnival, my friend. Just remember bring your sparkling pony goggles to keep your wits about you and drink water. And heck, don’t forget your meds and everything else because the closest pharmacies are in Fernley and Reno. It’s going to be one hell of a ride and don’t forget to stay tuned to BMIR.